[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 483: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 379: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/bbcode.php on line 112: preg_replace(): The /e modifier is no longer supported, use preg_replace_callback instead
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4752: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3887)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4754: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3887)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4755: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3887)
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/includes/functions.php on line 4756: Cannot modify header information - headers already sent by (output started at [ROOT]/includes/functions.php:3887)
YEStalk Discussion Forums • View topic - Jokes.

Jokes.



Postby wild_westie » Thu Apr 06, 2006 1:03 pm

wild_westie

Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1873
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 5:00 pm

Funny Headline

Postby wild_westie » Mon Apr 10, 2006 4:55 pm

wild_westie

Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1873
Joined: Tue May 18, 2004 5:00 pm

Happy Easter

Postby doogee » Sat Apr 15, 2006 12:21 am



















:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Sat May 13, 2006 11:16 pm














12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Mon May 15, 2006 11:32 pm

12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Tue May 16, 2006 11:48 pm

WHY YELLING AT A MAN DOESN'T WORK
What a woman says:
This place is a mess! C'mon! You and I need to clean up!
Your stuff is lying on the floor and you'll have no clothes
to wear if we don't do laundry right now!
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Thu May 18, 2006 10:35 pm





12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Thu May 25, 2006 9:35 pm






12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Fri May 26, 2006 10:58 pm

Two little boys, Sammy and Tim, were sharing a room in the hospital. As
they were getting to know each other a little bit, Sammy eventually
asked Tim, "Hey Tim, what're you in for?"

"I'm getting my tonsils out - I'm a little worried," said Tim.

"Oh don't worry about it. I had my tonsils out and it was a blast! I got
to eat all the ice cream and jello I wanted for two weeks!"

"Oh yeah?" replied Tim. "That's not half-bad. Hey, Sammy, how about you?
What're you here for?"

"I'm getting a circumcision, whatever that is!" Sammy answered.

"Oh my god, circumcision? I got one of those when I was a baby and I
couldn't walk for two years!"
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Mon Jun 26, 2006 11:33 pm

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with perfect breasts. He says to her, "Hey miss, would you let me bite your breasts for $100 dollars?"
"Are you nuts?!!" she replies and keeps walking away. He turns around, runs around the block and gets to the corner before she does.
"Would you let me bite your breasts for $1,000 dollars?" he asks again. "Listen, you! I'm not that kind of woman! Got it???!!!"
So the guy runs around the next block and faces her again. "Would you let me bite your breasts just once for $10,000 dollars?"
She thinks about it for a while and says, "Hmm. $10,000 dollars, eh? Okay, just once, but not here. Let's go to that dark alley over there."
So they go into the alley where she takes off her blouse to reveal the most beautiful, perfect breasts in the world. As soon as he sees them he grabs them, starts caressing them, fondling them slowly, kissing them, licking them, burying his face in them... but not biting them.
The woman finally gets very annoyed and asks, "Hey!!! Are you gonna bite them or not!!?" "Nah", he replies. "Costs too much!"
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby Greenglade's Frog » Tue Jun 27, 2006 8:42 pm

[CENTER][/font][/CENTER]
Greenglade's Frog

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1908
Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2004 5:00 pm
Location: California, on the Edge of the Continent

Postby Greenglade's Frog » Tue Jun 27, 2006 8:44 pm

[CENTER][/font][/CENTER]
Greenglade's Frog

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1908
Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2004 5:00 pm
Location: California, on the Edge of the Continent

Postby Greenglade's Frog » Tue Jun 27, 2006 8:51 pm

[CENTER][/font][/CENTER]
Greenglade's Frog

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1908
Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2004 5:00 pm
Location: California, on the Edge of the Continent

Postby guilddigger » Thu Jun 29, 2006 5:00 pm

"heaven is all around translated to sound" - michael hedges
guilddigger

Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 4578
Joined: Fri Dec 14, 2001 6:13 am
Location: Umeå, Sweden.

Postby doogee » Mon Jul 10, 2006 11:00 pm

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father dies, Robert decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. So he went to a singles bar and he searched until he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "Right now, I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but within a month or two, my father will pass on. Then I will inherit over 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Robert, and four days later she became his stepmother.
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Tue Jul 11, 2006 10:48 pm

There's an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who
kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I
hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who
had committed adultery would say they had "fallen."

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the
priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest
arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned.

The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town.
When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having
fallen."

The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new
priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at
the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife
fell three times last week."
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Mon Jul 24, 2006 10:29 pm

25 WAYS TO IMPRESS YOUR GIRL

1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness (or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really, really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is say "you better be" , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for pussy's and Asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "fuck you" and grab the other girls arse. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because I can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick". Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when she's cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things. Like video games.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you're in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say "No she's not hungry". Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell. A bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

22. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

23. Remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.

24. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas, or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then next time you know she's coming over on a trash day leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that much but I think it's funny.

25. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will, promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call you're going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited. Now don't call. That's also quite funny.
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Mon Aug 07, 2006 11:08 pm

12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Tue Aug 29, 2006 12:36 am

12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Wed Sep 06, 2006 12:38 am


12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Mon Sep 11, 2006 10:51 pm

A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of
here with that dog!"
The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the
piano!"
The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can
stay... and have a drink on the house!"
So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing.
Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.
Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the
neck, and drags him out. The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all
about?"
The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a
doctor."
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby Greenglade's Frog » Tue Sep 12, 2006 4:38 pm

[CENTER][/font][/CENTER]
Greenglade's Frog

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1908
Joined: Mon Jun 21, 2004 5:00 pm
Location: California, on the Edge of the Continent

Postby doogee » Tue Sep 12, 2006 11:59 pm

The manager of a megastore came to check on his new salesman. "How many
customers did you serve today?" the manager asked. "One," replied the new guy.
"Only one?" said the boss. "How much was the sale?" The salesman answered, "
$58,334." Flabbergasted, the manager asked him to explain.
"First I sold a man a fishhook," the salesman said. "Then I sold him a rod and a
reel. Then I asked where he was planning to fish, and he said down by the coast.
So I suggested he'd need a boat -- he bought that 20-foot runabout. When he said
his Volkswagen might not be able to pull it, I took him to the automotive department
and sold him a big SUV." The amazed boss asked, "You sold all that to a guy who
came in for a fishhook?" "No," the new salesman replied. "He actually came
in for a bottle of aspirin for his wife's migraine. I told him, "Your weekend's shot.
You should probably go fishing."
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Tue Sep 19, 2006 12:26 am

The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a
limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the
chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn't have
much of a choice, so the chauffeur climbs in the back of the limo and
the Pope takes the wheel.
The Pope proceeds to hop on Route 95 and starts accelerating to see what
the limo could go. Well, he gets to about 90 miles per hour and,WHAM!
There are the blue lights of our friendly State Police in his mirror.
He pulls over and the trooper comes to his window. Well, the trooper,
seeing who it was, says "just a moment please I need to call in."
The trooper radio's in and asks for the chief. He tells the chief "I've
got a REALLY important person pulled over and I need to know what to
do."
The chief replies "Who is it, not Ted again ?"
The trooper says, "No, even more important."
The chief replies, "It's the Governor, isn't it ?"
The trooper replies "No, even more important."
"It isn't the President is it?"
"No, more important," replies the trooper.
"Well, WHO the HECK is it!", screams the chief.
"I don't know" says the trooper. "But he's got the Pope as a chauffeur!"
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Mon Sep 25, 2006 11:10 pm

The Boss was in quandary. He had to fire somebody. He had it narrowed down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision, they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hang-over after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The Boss approached her and said: "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to lay you or Jack off." "Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit."
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Mon Oct 16, 2006 10:23 pm

A man takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course. The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is going to cost us." So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm voice said, "Come on in."
When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the broken window. A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke the window?" "Uh... yes sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a Genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life." "No problem," said the genie, "you've got it. It's the least I can do. And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" "I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country in the world," she said. Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's YOUR wish, genie?" "Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle and haven't been with a woman in over a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife." The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?" She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right. Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about your feelings, Honey?" "You know I love you, sweetheart," said the husband. "I'd do the same for you!"
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable. After about three hours of nonstop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"
"Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly. "No Kidding," he said, "thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?"
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby tardistraveler » Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:43 pm

tardistraveler

User avatar
 
Posts: 6904
Joined: Tue Apr 01, 2003 8:17 am
Location: Nashville, TN, USA.

Postby doogee » Tue Oct 31, 2006 12:04 am

12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Tue Nov 21, 2006 12:02 am

Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts. This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

Postby doogee » Tue Nov 28, 2006 1:07 am

THE BEER PRAYER
OUR BEER,
WHICH ART IN BARRELS,
HALLOWED BE THY DRINK,
THY WILL BE DRUNK,
(I WILL BE DRUNK),
AT HOME AS IN THE TAVERN,
GIVE US THIS DAY OUR FOAMY HEAD,
AND FORGIVE US OUR SPILLAGES,
AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO SPILL AGAINST US,
AND LEAD US NOT INTO INCARCERATION,
BUT DELIVER US FROM HANGOVERS,
FOR THINE IS THE BEER,
THE BITTER AND THE LAGER,
FOR EVER AND EVER,
BARMEN.
12 YEARS 44 WEEKS SMOKE FREE
doogee

User avatar
Starship Trooper
 
Posts: 1769
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2002 6:00 pm
Location: Sheffield Wednesday F.C.U.K.

PreviousNext

Return to The Playground

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron